Culling the Photos

To our first home, a small flat in the Eastern suburbs of Sydney, with bars on every window, I brought a lot of baggage. Much of it emotional - hence my nervous breakdown a year later.

I also brought a, fairly unreasonable, dowry of photo albums. 23. (plus 3 boxes of loose photos - not to mention 2 wedding albums)

Craig brought 1. It has a been a minor sticking point every time we have moved since. "Where are we going to put these? Do you really need these?"

Up till this year I have stuck to my guns, "We'll find somewhere, yes I do need them."

But to be honest we have lugged them around for 6 years & I haven't looked at them once. About 3 months ago, during renovations, they were unearthed again, from the back of the cupboard, and I made a ruthless decision. I would cull my photos from before our marriage (29 years of my life!) into 1 album.

Now, I have been lugging these photos around for a long time, I am 36 and I left home (the first time) at 21. They have had at least 9 homes since. What was I thinking?

As I've been culling, I have been blown away by how few I actually need or want! I have moved on, well and truly, from many of the places, events & relationships in each album & half of them are blurry!

If I'm honest. really it just seemed easier to keep them on the shelf than to go through the long and 'presumably difficult' process of culling.

Strangely I have enjoyed the process. I like looking at the photos & I love the thud, of each culled album, as it hits the bin. It has been long. (But everything is in my life at the moment) It has been a little bit difficult, but not very.

To me the whole process has been a good analogy for life. It has made me do some hard inward looking. What am I carrying around for no reason, (or for old reasons) that is weighing me down?

Am I holding on because the change just seems too hard or too painful in the short term? Would I be pleasantly surprised if I actually bothered to make a change? What am I heading for if I don't change? (We had at least 30 albums in the house before I started culling! Luckily there was no housefire, I never would have made it out!)

What would I have room for & what weight would be lifted, for myself and others, if I bothered to cull me?

Maybe this is Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.....(part 3 Round 2)

We were married in January 2003. Craig began full time study at Moore Theological College that year. He claimed at the time he was running at about 80% capacity with continuing moderate symptoms. Still not much energy for extra activities. Being an introvert that generally meant not much socialising as it was too exhausting. Lauren had a mild nervous breakdown around June. It took the better part of the rest of the year & a lot of counseling for her to recover. God carried us & we rejoice that he gave us that time as he was preparing us for what was to come

In February 2004 after 1 day of 2nd year College Craig was struck down with a “mystery” virus. Once again he was bed-ridden, needing physical assistance to make it from the bedroom to the bathroom, unable to leave the house. All his previous symptoms were present in their severest form. Once again the recovery was painfully slow but this time he knew not to rush anything.

Tests showed he’d already had all the scary viral diseases over the last 4 years without realising it. However, he still didn’t have thyroid problems, fibromyalgia, anemia, Lyme disease, lupus, MS, hepatitis, sleep disorders or depression.

The diagnosis of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome was more frustrating the second time.
It came with the knowledge and understanding that it had already been 4 years and it hadn’t gone away.