May His Beauty Rest Upon Me....

This morning someone told me I looked beautiful.

In context, I was at playgroup with the boys and, a lady, who I don't really know, commented on the fact that I must be due very soon because my tummy is enormous. Then she said 'but you don't look like other pregnant women, you're radiant, in fact, you look beautiful'.

It was an odd moment.

It's not the kind of comment I have ever had from a stranger before. But this morning it was significant. Not because I have started using a new face cream & can now testify as to it's immediate results.

But here is the thing.

Yesterday I read an e-mail from a friend. In it was a web address for 'Life Application Ministries' website. In the afternoon, I read parts of the site. Then, abandoning all home responsibilities, I went back and took some notes.

The gist of the site is 'healing through truth in God's word'. The pages I read were 'spiritual roots' & spiritual 'blocks', then I went back & read their 'faith statement' & the intro to understand what they were trying to achieve.

At first I was quite skeptical. I still am not sure if they leave room for God not to heal, if he chooses (& I believe he does not always heal). But as I read, I realised that I needed to leave room for the fact that he can & does heal in many cases, I couldn't just say because he doesn't have to he won't.

Most of the 'spiritual roots' for diseases listed were fairly universal sins that the enemy loves to encourage in us in whatever way he can (like fear, rage, desire to control, bitterness, unforgiveness, broken relationship, generational sin, unresolved conflict). But as I read them listed as roots for disease they made a lot of sense, particularly as I looked at the major diseases I have had in my life (ADD, Bulemia, CFS, Panic Attacks & Nervous Breakdown) and their 'roots'.

The Holy Spirit convicts us of specific sins (not vague, impossible to pinpoint feelings of sinfulness - that kind of guilt is demonic). And last night as I read & wrote down specific sins listed as specific 'roots' for my diseases, I couldn't deny any of them. (Although, in some cases the sin has reduced or changed since I became a Christian - they were still there!) I also couldn't deny that I am still symptomatic, in some form or other, for all of these diseases.

So I asked Craig to pray with me. I confessed my specific sins to the Lord & repented of them & asked him to cast out any influencing spirits, I asked him to fill me instead with his Holy Spirit & his love and to guide my steps & change my heart in each specific circumstance, through Jesus Christ.

I have never felt so light as I felt going to bed last night & waking this morning. For the first time I can remember, I did not wake with a racing heart, I did not fear my children waking each other as they each got up me up, before the light, for a drink of milk. I enjoyed the time cuddling them both alone before they went back to snooze till the sun rose.

I felt joyful saying good morning to my husband as he grunted into wakefulness. I enjoyed dozing as the boys eventually got up and watched a video (yes we are old fashioned) before I got up at 7.00am. When they fought about something, the usual anger did not come to cause me to leap into action. I listened, relaxed, & they sorted it out eventually. I actually fell asleep sleep in my husband's arms - something I have never been able to do.

Once I was up everything just happened in an orderly way - the kids still had their moments, but I didn't have my usual 'internal fear' reactions to them. By the time I arrived at playgroup at 10am on a pouring rainy day, everyone was dressed - with shoes! The house was orderly, dinner was thought about and underway, washing was done & hung out to dry, I had renewed my driver's licence (with a nice photo - for the first time ever), bought the bread, played with the children both at home and at the shops and not once had to fear, panic or be angry about anything.

So when this lady said 'you look beautiful' she had no idea that I also felt beautiful. I felt Jesus was living fully in me & it feels wonderful.

Regretfully, I did not tell her all this, so there is the irony. This is not heaven & I know I am still sinful flesh. But I am so thankful to My Father in heaven for healing my heart by His Spirit & through His son Jesus. I repent of not telling that lady that I am just a channel. It is Jesus who is beautiful in me. So now I'm telling you. I hope & pray that you will forget me & see only Christ in this post.